Rough Times, Silver Linings

We have all been through a lot of stress and change over the past few years, withstanding various life upheavals thrust upon us by the COVID-19 pandemic. And undoubtedly, some have endured more than others. Masses among us have suffered premature and traumatic losses, having lost family and friends either directly from COVID-related causes or indirectly from mental health and/ or substance-related death or debility. Many previous mental and/or physical health conditions were exacerbated by the terror, anxiety, isolation, and medical neglect prompted by COVID shutdowns. Most of us have contemplated the possibility of our own deaths or serious illness more directly than we had previously. 

A Kaiser Family Foundation report on the impacts of the COVID pandemic on mental health and substance use in the U.S. included data from two national public health surveys. The report found that symptoms of anxiety and depression increased across our population during the pandemic. These increases were more prevalent among young adults, women, and in households where one or more members experienced job loss. Deaths caused by drug overdose increased sharply, most notably among adolescents. Alcohol-induced death rates also increased substantially, most notably among people of color (POC), and people living in rural areas. Overall death rates by suicide decreased briefly towards the beginning of the pandemic and were on the rise again as of 2021. 

COVID challenged and reconfigured our relationships   

Our relationships have also been through rough times. As we were plunged into COVID lockdown, so many faced job losses, financial uncertainty, and increased financial stress on top of facing and managing a serious threat to the health and safety of ourselves and our loved ones. All of these factors put additional strain on our mental health and our close relationships. I’ve heard from friends and clients who lived alone during quarantine about the pain and loneliness of being physically cut off from essential sources of physical and emotional support. And for those who hunkered down with partners, kids, extended families, friends, and pets, our lives were thrown into a pressure cooker of living situations. Many families were dealt the impossible task of supervising children in Zoom school, while also working full-time. 

For those whose jobs required physically showing up to maintain society’s essential services, going to work meant risking one’s life each day. Those like myself, who had the opportunity and privilege to work from home, suffered a lack of stimulation and isolation from family and friends as well as communities that nurtured us socially and emotionally. Most of us, in one way or another, experienced a period of extreme isolation from people, community, and activities that had previously brought us vitality, support, and comfort. 

And as is often, though not always the case in times of extraordinary adversity, there are some silver linings illuminating the otherwise gray skies of COVID. The transformation that I aim to promote through this writing project is a shift in awareness that mental health really matters for individuals, families, communities, and society as a whole. 

A time for reflection 

When the third anniversary of COVID’s onset in NYC came around this past March, I realized that I am now able to begin reflecting on the terror and severity of those times, particularly while I was pregnant and experiencing clinical depression and anxiety. I‘ve also been reflecting on the beneficial changes and growth that have occurred in my life over the past three years. There are ways that the profound mentality shift necessitated by COVID provoked changes in my life’s foundation that promote a healthier and more fulfilling way of living and relating to others.   

When I think about these improvements in my life, I sometimes feel guilty because so many people didn’t survive COVID, and because many others have felt too wounded to perceive positive developments in its aftermath. While I don’t believe that continued suffering from COVID is “over,” we are no longer in an acute collective crisis due to the virus. And because we have a little distance from the first two years of COVID, before the completion of vaccines that saved our lives and polarized us politically and emotionally as much as anything I have witnessed in my lifetime, I feel that we can learn from each other in the aftermath of this acute global crisis.  

What are your thoughts and questions?  

A strong motivator for this writing project is to offer and hopefully receive back some reflections and lessons from that time, with the intention of moving forward with new skills and resources for navigating the currents of life. My existential anxiety has shifted to very rational, evident, and science-backed fears about current and impending climate disaster. How about yours?  

I’d love to hear from you, either in the “comments” or in the “Suggest Topics” box here. What has shifted for you over the past three years regarding your close relationships?  What are some topics you would like to hear about in future posts, regarding mental health and/ or relationships?

This post was edited by Vicky Choy & Kyra Busch